Winning

WINNING (Seacoast Men’s Breakfast 06-09-12)

How many of you like to win?

How many of you like to lose?

If you had a choice between winning and losing which would you choose?

Winning seems to be the obvious choice. Would anyone choose losing?

Right from our inception we are taught to win. Win at all costs. Have a smile on your face, but be sure you come in first…beat the next guy. Winning is the natural choice if you are going to get anywhere in this world. The world we face everyday…the real world.. is a world of survival. Not only will we not get what we want if we don’t plan to win or be ahead of the next guy, but in this world, the real world, our very survival is at risk.

In this world we are required to beat the next guy out of a job, maneuver to be sure to be the first guy on the block with a good idea (even if it was someone else’s idea) or to just beat out the guy that we are competing with for the one available parking space. No one likes a loser. We do not like to even be associated with losers.

A talk like this on ‘winning’ can have application to many areas of our daily life, but for today’s purpose I want to also make application in particular to how it relates to men’s ministry.

We all want to win. If you think about it most, if not all, of our day is about winning. With winning comes a natural tendency to compete. Why?…because to win or come out on top we have to do better than the next guy. Remember he is trying to win too! So, it seems that competing against each other is natural for us as men.

I want to make it clear right here that this is not a discussion on the evils of competition, for I believe that the Bible actually makes clear that competition can be very healthy in all aspects of life, even in the church, but as we will see the Bible has something to say about how we compete, and for what purpose…Especially as we try to establish community in our church. (Competition can have a negative effect on community if not done right)

There are many examples of healthy and profitable competition in the Bible. The bible tells us to be bold and set our life up on a lamp stand. Paul tells us to be willing when God provides a purpose and a way to take the lead spurring and challenging others onto good works. Even the verse about ‘Iron Sharpening Iron’ shows the benefit of competing and challenging each other, sharpening our skills and purpose in the process. 

But, there are also examples of how being first is not always what God had in mind.  Even when we are called to lead the way in a particular thing, we can be headed toward doing the right thing and still miss the mark by us winning and not helping others to develop and win also.

A good example of this is found in Matt. 20:20-28. In reality it is an example of men’s ministry...for you see there were 12 men involved in this scenario. Read Matt. 20:20-3. They were asking for a prominent place in ministry.

·       Was that necessarily bad?

·       Explain/ask what was happening here?

·       What was the underlying attitude and purpose of the request?

·       As we grow in our ministries here at Seacoast, Jesus, here in this passage is going to paint a picture of how ministry should look, not how it can look.

It is interesting that Christ’s initial response was not one of anger toward them for their request, for He understood that such a request or thought is totally natural to us as men and in actuality their request did have some honorable aspects..ie. being committed to Jesus and His cause. However, He later goes into detail as to why their request and reason behind this request is not the perspective for those serving the King in establishing the Kingdom. We will discuss this in a minute, but first, it is noteworthy the reaction of the others in v. 24 to their request. (Read)

·       What response did their request prompt in the others in the men’s group?

·       Did their request help the dynamic of the group or hurt it? Why?

·       Did Christ see something wrong with the content of their request or did He have more of an issue with the motive behind the request?

·       I personally believe that Christ was impressed with their request even though He did not agree with their motive. Their request was admirable from the perspective that they really were committed to joining Him in the establishing of His Kingdom saying that they would die for the cause.

·       However, in v. 25-8 you can see that Jesus really did understand what motivated their request. (Read 20:25-8)

·       In v. 25-8 what did Christ say was the correct perspective for leadership?

·       The bottom line is if James and John won then everyone else lost… I am not sure if the group was more upset with James and John because they sought a prominent promotion or position, or, if their indignation may have been a response to being left out of the camaraderie that they had been experiencing…

The point is that ‘Everyone wants to win’. For men it seems to be a way of life. Its part of our nature…part of our daily existence. For a man winning is part of his self worth…justifying his existence. If you were to stop and really think about it, for a man, it really does not matter what we win at, it only matters that we win… at something. Not all men want to be on the top. Not everyone wants to be president. I have seen men take on a seeming undesirable occupation and do very well at it and be so proud that their buttons can bust.

But when we win in life all too often others lose. Think of it. Usually there is only one winner. This is what was happening in this passage. Two took a step forward to win position and in doing so the others were left out. Jesus reminded them that they need to be looking out for the other guy. Even though there is a structure to the Kingdom, everyone is included and is to win. This is a principle that is foreign to the world we live in.

The point that Jesus is making in this passage is that in order to win in this life and in men’s ministry to win we actually have to lose. The other guy has to win. Jesus counters this world and how we are used to living with words like ‘The first shall be last and the last shall be first’ (Mt. 19:30) and Mk. 9:35 ‘And Jesus sat down, and called the twelve, and said to them, ‘If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all’. And, verses like Matt. 10:39 which says ‘He that finds his life shall lose it and he that loses his life for my sake shall find it’.

·       How well do these verses work in the world we live in? (In actuality they don’t fit at all)

·       How are we at really living by this principle…as men…could we do better…even in the church. You see, to be a real winner you have to be a loser. Just ask Christ. He understood this principle. You see, our world says ‘It’s all about you’, really what they mean is that it is all about me, or myself. Christ said that it is all about the other guy, and very little or nothing about me.

How big is this principle?

Men are called to be leaders, but are also at the same time called to be losers. The two don’t seem to fit together well. As men join our ranks they are really looking for a place in the family of God. Jesus gives us some practical instruction here:

·       Competition in the Kingdom does not work on the same principle as it does in the world system. How is competition beneficial in the Kingdom (using Jesus’ example) and how does it look?

·       What position is a leader supposed to take?

·       For you to win at your ministry is not the important thing. Who should be the winner in our ministry and life?

·       We need to constantly check our motives and focus in ministry making sure that we are getting this principle right. It can be more difficult than one may think.

Let me give you an example of a recent encounter I had with another man concerning possible future men’s breakfast events. I was sharing some of the possible men’s breakfast venues and one of them included the possibility of a tailgating breakfast in the parking lot. While we were talking---mind you he does not usually attend the men’s breakfast--- we were talking about the details of such an event and we thought as part of the breakfast we could hang around and talk and sit on the back of the tailgates and maybe shoot some hoops, or something.  All of a sudden when I mentioned the hoops I saw a change in his expression toward the down side. As we talked further I got the impression that he was afraid of the basketball part of the event because maybe he thought that it might end in a competitive sports event…basketball.. teams. That would not be a win for him. Such simple seemingly innocent competition might even keep him from joining in. Group settings for guys can be very uncomfortable for some. Frankly, by design it is all too often too competitive. A few win. Not enough in a men’s group setting win.

As guys it may take us a while to do this well. It is a principle that we quickly give a head nod to, but in reality losing to win does not seem practical to us in a real world, ..even as a Christian. How does this actually work?

Christ made it clear. When we all win we all win. Actually… the bible goes one step further. It says if others win and we lose we are beginning to understand what it is all about. As we consider this concept we will need to keep in mind the best example that we know on how this life is suppose to work. Christ, in the world’s eyes was the biggest loser there was. But, in His losing we all won…

‘Men are called to be leaders, but…at the same time we are called to be losers’